A guy and a girl walk into a bedroom. The guy looks at the
girl and says, “don’t worry, I’d never screw you, we don’t need protection.”
She smiles and says, “ok, I trust you.” They get all into their time together
and next thing you know, she has a baby. Turns out, they got carried away, and
she got screwed.
A guy and a girl walk into a boardroom. The guy looks at the
girl and says, “don’t worry, I’d never screw you, we don’t need protection.”
She smiles and says, “ok, I trust you.” They get all into their project
together and next thing you know, he has a company. Turns out, they got carried
away, and she got screwed.
I’m never sure whether trust plays too great or too small a
role in our business relationships. That’s likely because it means different
things to different people, which is part of the problem. But, at the end of
the day, having unprotected business isn’t a whole lot smarter than having
unprotected sex. I won’t have sex without condoms, and I won’t do business
without contracts.
What is the role of trust in our business relationships? For
me, trust isn’t just one monolithic thing that applies equally to all aspects
of a business venture. I assume that if two (or more) people are to the point
of discussing contracts about a business venture, there are already several
layers of trust.
-
They all trust the idea enough that they want to pursue it.
They have some degree of shared vision and energy that has brought them to this
moment, and they “believe” in it, whether they call it trust or not. By this
point, the venture itself is it’s own emotional entity, worthy of it’s own
trust and value and concern separate from the players and other personal
relationships.
-
They all trust each other’s skills and dedication enough
that they want to help grow the venture together. They think they can do it.
That trust is implicit in the momentum that got them this far.
-
They all believe – as all entrepreneurs do – that this is
going to work, and that everyone is going to be as committed as they are to the
venture, and to their own happiness. And this is where things start to fall
apart.
Unless you are doing business with Mother Theresa, then whoever you are
doing business with is likely more concerned with their own happiness than with
yours. It’s human nature, and there is nothing wrong with that. This is the
moment at which you must be responsible for saying, “this is so exciting, do
you have a condom?”
I have literally had someone look at me and say, “I wont’ do
business with someone who doesn’t trust me. Why do you NEED a contract?” I find that question both stupid and insulting, but
I’ll answer it, and see what we can learn.
- I would not do business with someone who was afraid to
have their good intentions codified. To me, that means they are already trying
to wiggle out of the “deal.” (I would not have sex with someone who wasn’t
prepared to be responsible for his actions.)
- I would not do business with someone who was unwilling to
honor my own need and right to feel safe and protected. (I would not have sex
with someone who didn’t mind risking my life or my future for his
gratification.)
- I think that the process of codifying a business
relationship is very useful. It helps everyone involved clarify their intent,
expectations, process and starts the business off on a foundation of mutual
understanding. (I would not have sex with someone with whom I didn’t feel
comfortable saying, “you need to wrap that rascal because this is only about
sex, I have no intention of dying for you or raising your progeny.”)
- I believe that sometimes the best-laid plans go wildly
awry, and a contract can provide a baseline for rectifying the situation in a
less emotional manner. (Condoms break, at least you know I wasn’t trying to get
pregnant.)
When is the right time to whip out a contract? We’re all
different on this one, I tend to wait until the last minute. I’m a big fan of
emotional and intellectual foreplay, in all arenas. But I start discussing
intent fairly early.
- When you first start discussing an idea, just run free
with it. Brainstorm, have meetings over and over again, email ideas, see what
happens. This is the fun and flirty stage, during which you find out if you’re
compatible in any real way. Ideas, even good ones, are a dime a dozen, play with them freely.
- Once you realize that you actually want to do this
together, say so. Even these conversations can go on for a protracted period of
time, and that’s okay. There’s rarely any reason to rush headlong into this
union. Discuss it and be clear about your intentions and desires. “I think we
should be co-founders of this, and after we reach X milestone, we’ll hire Y
people and…..” Do you need a contract at this point? I don’t, but other people
may be different. (I do, however, like a nice long email thread in which these things are discussed in writing.)
- Once you get to the point that assets of any sort are
changing hands and working towards the fruition of the union, then I’d get
contracts in line. Be damned good and clear about what your intentions are, and
get it written down. And just because the other party doesn’t want to, doesn’t
mean that you shouldn’t be proactive and protect yourself. If you are handing
over assets of any sort – whether it’s money, IP, work product – you need to
know that you are putting them into a union in which your interests are
protected.
To me, that is the ultimate form of trust. It means that you
trust the idea, trust the chemistry, trust the people, and trust that the
future is going to be what you make it. You trust it all enough that you want
to be totally prepared to do it as best you can. You even trust the people
enough that you aren’t worried about the could-be-scary process of negotiating.
That’s a lot of trust.
But it would be stupid not to have contracts to protect your
interests, no matter how you feel about the people or the product. It would be
just as stupid to have unprotected sex with someone just because you were
afraid they’d think less of you if you told them that you were smart enough to
protect yourself and still get what you want.
Trust is great, but it’s not worth getting screwed for.
________
Alyssa Royse promises that her next blog post will have
nothing to do with sex, love, dating or romance. She trusts her team and her project, and respects them all enough to want them to be safe and happy. And those aren’t mints in the Hello Kitty tin.